Just when I thought I was pulling out...
I know it's been asked before, but how can you feel completely alone when you're surrounded by people?
What am I supposed to be learning right now? And why does it have to be so hard? I thought I knew myself...I thought I knew my heart.
This battle of good vs. evil is legitimate. It's real. The war that began raging before this world was is still in full force. And it's beating me down. I thought I was a valiant warrior. I've always wondered how ideologies and feelings and testimonies could be the choice of weaponry in this spiritual battle. But now I understand. And for the first time in my life I'm really worried about my personal outcome.
I have wounds. And they hurt. And I'm struggling to survive.
How can this be when I have been so richly blessed? How is my faith being weakened? Why am I now questioning so many things?
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Blogs have become modern day journals. I wanted a place where I could freely share my very personal thoughts about a variety of topics with anyone who wanted to "listen." My posts may range from religion, to politics, to social issues, to a generic editorial. I don't expect readers to agree or disagree. Just consider...another perspective.
A little about me
- Another Perspective
- I'm a seeker of truth. I wish I were more patient and less of a procrastinator. I like to play first and work when I feel inspired. I strive to be informed and am passionate about my beliefs. I love history...any history. I love music...most genres. Geometry is my favorite field in math. I used to be giddy about grammatically dissecting sentences. I'm enamored with nature and have an eternal love for my family...from one end of the spectrum to the other.
6 comments:
Your faith isn't weakening, it's being tested and strengthened. Hang in there. The Lord needs those who can stand the heat. It's the adversary that wants you to think you're being weakened. He always whispers the opposite to throw us off course. The true picture is "just around this corner" as your sister loves to say. Love ya!
I would like to say words that are as wise as your Mother's but cannot. All I can do is pray that the Lord will be with you and give you strength. For whatever reason, we all have to deal with these experiences.
That last comment was from tall dad
(just a 'few' thoughts running through my head after reading your most recent blog)
Our Faith is being tested each and every moment...this we know will always be. We must stand strong to what we really know in our heart, no matter how difficult the battle may be.
Hold on to what you know, for whatever you are going through at this time will pass! I may not always be the strongest example, and it may at times appear as though I am not holding on...But I am! We all hold on as we can, each in our own way with the strength that we have gained.
Those 'continual tests' that some must bear must be looked upon as a blessing for strength to be gained. I have found that some of my tests are not to pass while here upon the earth, but are for me to truly endure to the end...at that point I will have completed my journey and the reward will be as promised. The reward gained is my choice...as is yours.
The knowledge or understanding of some "what are we supposed to learn" tests will not be given until the test is far behind us... perhaps not until the final end. I have found that sometimes it does not work to ask "what am I supposed to learn?", but rather "what are the blessings I, or others, can receive from this experience?".
I do not hide that my trials have been many and some days have been much more difficult than I thought I could endure... but by always trying to find the blessings that come from each experience I seem to find my way back on top... until the next round. You are not alone my friend... You are a strength to many and are a Strong, Strong, Valiant Warrior...
I believe your reward will be great! Just hang on to the end!
I have come to believe that if I really want to become more like the Savior, I have to experience more of what He experienced.
Alone? Try the Garden of Gethsemane.
Tested and questioning? Try the temptations in the Wilderness.
I'm preparing for another study of Jesus the Christ...want to do it w/ me?
The very fact that this is feeling so hard to you is further evidence of your importance in this battle. I really believe that. he (withOUT the capital "h") is focusing on the few right now. If he can shake enough of us, he thinks it will help him win.
he is wrong...but that doesn't mean he's going to let up.
Talk to me, Jack.
xoxo
I feel your pain. Since the age of 31 I've been going through much of the same thing. And I often don't know why. I truly believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ; that isn't the issue at all. But there are definitely ideologies out there that creep into my mind and confuse me. The funny thing is I always thought if I was married and had children I wouldn't have time for these ideologies to creep into my mind because my focus would be on my children. You have taught me a good lesson here. I guess it doesn't matter what stage of life you are in for those thoughts to be there.
You are so so blessed with a family that always knows the right thing to say...
Just don't stop going to church. It becomes a really slippery slope when you stop going. Trust me.
I'm so impressed with your candid ability to express your emotions on your blog. Please don't stop sharing.
Don't be too hard on yourself while you figure this out. You are not expected to be perfect just committed.
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