From the heart

I just learned that my grandfather was given morphine tonight to ease his pains. He will pass on to the next phase of his life soon. When I first spoke with my dad this afternoon, I wasn't impacted by the news. Grandpa had a stroke this morning and we didn't have much information beyond that.

But when I learned later tonight that Grandpa was given morphine, reality sunk in. It was hard not to break down on the phone with my dad. I did so after we hung up. Fortunately, I was driving home on dark windy roads so I couldn't cry too hard.

Grandpa is healthy. He's 97 and doesn't take any medication. His heart is strong. But the fact that he's 97 means that his body is old and wearing out. A stroke at his age has immobilized him.

And he can't talk.

I can't imagine the frustration that must cause. Especially when you can't say, "I love you," just one more time to your own children before you pass through the veil.

His siblings died from choking/suffocation. It's a healthy family and once they get really old, their bodies just stop performing normal functions as they should. Grandpa has been scared of choking. He knows it's how his siblings have died. So Grandpa was given morphine to relax the body. He won't be given any food or liquids any more. His physical body is now preparing to give up the ghost. I pray that there will be no suffering and that Grandpa will pass on soon.

It would be nice if he could do so in his own home. And what a glorious reunion he'll have with Grandma. She passed away November 2003.

It's bitter-sweet. I love my Grandpa. He was so loving and thoughtful and considerate and welcoming. Because he is such a good man, it makes me sad that I won't see him again in this life. But I am buoyed up because I know I will embrace him again. I know it.

And I thank God for my testimony of Jesus Christ. That is all that matters. Sometimes I'm tired of life; sometimes I don't care; sometimes I'm frustrated; sometimes I just want to run away; sometimes it hurts...

But...

A pure testimony of Jesus Christ will always get us through those times. Always. It has for me. I know that God lives. I know that Jesus Christ is His Son. I know that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel. And I know that it is by the sweet Grace of my Savior that all of this is possible.

I love my Grandpa. And I love my Redeemer for giving me strength and hope...for making it possible for me to see my Grandpa again. I love you, Grandpa. May God bless you for your goodness.