Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm that much closer...

I want to be done. My priorities are all wrong. I know what's right but I don't do it. I'm exhausting myself and I struggle to know if it's really worth it. I negotiate and battle a constant internal struggle. I want to scream and cry and be done so I can have some relief and be happy. But would that really bring happiness? It's too much. The weight is too heavy. And my pride dictates that I carry it further.

Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows, Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand? He, only One.

He answers privately, Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind, Love without end.
--Text by Emma Lou Thayne

What do you do when all the answers lie before you, yet you refuse to accept them? I can't do it anymore.

3 comments:

Laurel said...

Spring 1820 changed the world. That's what you said.

It changed because of a prayer. And remember who tried to stop him right before the light?

Keep going...I know it sounds cheesy but it really is darkest right before dawn.

xoxo.

Elaine said...

hmmm...pride "dictating?" You know where that gets others. Won't serve you much better:-) Do you know who you are? Who you really are? The struggle is exactly why we have those around us that love us. We'd never make it without them and without the Lord. He IS our Friend and He does answer privately. And He does "reach our reaching." He'll come. Breathe deeply and remember the good times and how you feel. I love you!

Cheryl said...

That is my favorite hymn, and it says it all. I think we've all been at points like that--which actually is a good thing, because we really are able to question again. I know I have felt like saying "I'm done". A lot. Then the Lord answers--again. Mornings are a good thing, especially sunny ones.

This is a wonderful talk by Elder Eyring: http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-947-19,00.html

I wish you all the best. You will have a morning, I promise.